@FredTaming: my daughter is never hungrier than immediately after refusing the food we’ve offered her
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@VerbsRProudest: I have a draft that just says "rhino!" & I cannot even wrap my brain around why I thought that would make sense.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Do you consider yourself a punctual person?" Me: "I was born three months premature."
@KimmyMonte: if Disney has taught us anything it's that if you're a girl who reads books, you will eventually fall in love with a water buffalo
@oddpoette: Manager: If you continue to solicit your “magical services” to any more customers, I’ll be contacting the police. Do I make myself clear? Me, lowering voice: You’re still pretty visible but I do know a guy