Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it’s soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat
My daughter wrote, “I will see you every day of our lives,” on my Mother’s Day card, so I guess we’ve resorted to threats now.
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employee: should I restock the vegetables
manager: why aren’t you using the time-saving code words from my training
employee: fine, should I *air quote fingers* reproduce
There’s no recipe in this world that raisins can’t ruin.
If you had a terrible childhood, you’ll be super-bummed out by Bank of America’s options for security questions.
It’s like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.
Turns out those miniature liquor bottles aren’t for babies and now my brother says I can’t be the God Mother.
Her; My phones dead let me use yours
Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home
The cartoon character I most resemble is Jessica Rabbit.
I’m kidding, it’s Betty Boop.
Okay, Hello Kitty.
Fine. Miss Piggy.
Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money.
If I had a nickel for every time I had a nickel I would just continue getting nickels until I had all the nickels.