@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.
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@GrantTanaka: ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire
@juneohara65: My cat is smarter than I am but I'm brighter than most plants, so I feel like I'm holding my own.
@PaperWash: me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot
@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.