Asking men how many wheels their trucks have and scoffing, regardless of the answer.
My daughter wrote, “I will see you every day of our lives,” on my Mother’s Day card, so I guess we’ve resorted to threats now.
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a true american can survive on just corn syrup and debt
When I say the word ‘laboratory’ I quietly say it like a mad scientist in my head: la-bore-ra-tori
Him: can we just go back to how it used to be?
Her: awww. Like the day we met?
Him: No, before that.
YELLOW HIPPO: (whispering to red hippo) I’m not your enemy. Marble scarcity is a myth spread by humans to turn us against each other.
me: kids are so stupid. they’ll do anything for chocolate
wife: if you do the laundry, I’ll buy you a snickers
Just saw my 4yo eat a banana like a corn on the cob… so yes the quarantine has changed us.
Horses are a great pet for anyone who’s ever wished their bicycle could make bad choices
When someone says “Idaho”, I still respond by saying “Udaho!” and I will never stop.