I get it, Kevin McCallister. I, too, sometimes wish my family would disappear and leave me home alone with my own cheese pizza.
My doctor had to put me on a new medication that’s supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
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Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we’ve had to dissect frogs.
The neighbor kid talks a lot of shit for someone who isn’t allowed to leave the yard.
hey I just met you
and this is crazy
but I’m going to argue with another stranger in your mentions
for hours maybe
Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
I walk around with mentos in my ears so everyone thinks I have an iphone 7.
HIM: So how was your OMG did you just pull a hot sauce packet out of your bra
Him: I’m over the moon
Werewolf doctor: you’re cured
Always keep an axe by the front door so I can give the other Jehovah something awesome to witness.
Me and be Jealous?… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA … Who is McDonald’s and why are you ‘lovin it’?