So glad I was weird af in high school cuz now ain’t no one hittin me up to join their pyramid scheme 😌😌
My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it’s his turn
You Might Also Like
1) Find and catch a rabbit
2) Go to restaurant
3) Complain about a hare in your meal
4) Enjoy free meal plus adorable household pet
H: What is that you’re having for lunch?
Me: fruit salad
H: That’s funny, it looks like a sangria.
Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*
Be the reason she can’t walk properly.
~ 5 inch heels probably ~
Kanye West said being a rapper is like being a soldier or a cop but hey at least he didn’t compare himself to Jesus. Oh wait.
What does it mean when your doctor slaps the beer from your hand?
A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.
My son’s teacher spelled play doh like play doe
I. Am. Concerned
Sherlock: *deep breath* You’re a drinker, whiskey’s your poison but mum doesn’t approve. Upper management, no middle. You hate your job but it’s too late for a change. A droll existence, Stacy.
Starbucks Barista: I’m so sorry ma’am, he’s in training here’s your tall blonde roast
Putting carrot sticks in the break room next to the cake is considered work place violence, Jim. Security will see you out.