@yonewt

my effort to help others during the pandemic is replying “I’m having the same issue” to every question in Apple Community

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@Ron_White

I need Apple to develop a slurred speech to text feature.

@Kaladas4U2NV

I lost 7 followers today.

It’s nice to know some people are finally reading my tweets

@amselts

After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance “The Human” by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet

@NicktheDrummy

We’re gonna party like its 1999.

//breaks out Nokia flip phone and starts to panick about Y2K//

@better_off_dad

Thanks to auto correct, my wife thinks I want to check out Stranger Thongs tonight.

@RandiLawson

I’m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out.

We are going to watch tv.

@SamuelHLowe

– Baby, I just want everything to be like it was at the beginning.
– When we first met?
– No, before that.

@MomofTeen

I just saw The Big Sick and now I’m negotiating with my doctor to place me in a medically induced coma and then speed dial my true love.

@AmericanGent69

Me: Finally, time to sleep!
Brain: ahem
Me: oh God please no
Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.