@ravenswng_

My emotional support pig is now my therapy bacon.

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@Pirate_nurse

In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour

@ItsAndyRyan

Me: I get no support from my wife, even when doing the crossword
Therapist: I hope you don’t get too down
Me: Oh God, Doc, you as well

@MelvinofYork

*watching tv

Me: “Don’t just stand there, idiot! Run! Escape while there’s still time! God, I can’t watch”

Wife: (turns off wedding video)

@mommajessiec

This morning I brushed my hair with an American Girl doll brush because, apparently, she is the only one in my house who puts things back where they belong.

@UnFitz

Earthlings are the most dangerous of all the lings.

@iamchrisscott

Mariah Carey beginning with “I don’t want a lot for Christmas” and then revealing she wants “you” is such a good burn

@CornOnTheGoblin

? Hey there Delilah, for your word spell Mississippi
“May I have the definition?”
The state siblings can get frisky ?
and cousins toooo ?

@MummaCrazy

10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that’s not a reason to exercise, then I don’t know what is.