We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@morethanMI5: My ex has made me dinner..
*gives a bit to the dog first*
@squirrel74wkgn: *puts almost empty milk carton back in fridge*
[wife texts me from France]
@abrosenthal: A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff.
@GuyThe_Guy: My wife puts her pants on just like everyone else, but when she gets one leg in I push her over while she's off balance.
@MikeDrucker: I'm so hungover that my thoughts sound like Sylvester Stallone.
@MAngelo505: What I said : Just a trim, please.
What hairdresser must've heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un.