I’ve decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It’s pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I’m angry.
My ex left me for an attorney. It makes me smile every day to know he hasn’t won an arguement for 15 years.
You Might Also Like
I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn’t melt. I’ve got to start dressing smarter
“if you could be any animal what would you be”
“why a cat”
[imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason]
naps and stuff
I refuse to eat at restaurants that say kids are only free one day of the week. Imprisoning children is wrong.
If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea.
People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.
*Sees son doing homework*
What u doing?
“Math, it’s due Friday”
*I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth*
They’ll never believe u
If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that’s just me flirting
Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip*
uh HELL YEAH!
*pulls out phone*
see that RT button?
I’ve never owned a pair of spanx that didn’t eventually own me.