@MelvinofYork: My ex once told me that she still had feelings for me but then clarified that they were all negative ones
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@ClichedOut: CEO: Long lines. Bad parking. No shade. Crying kids. $7.00 drinks. We need a good name. ETHAN: How about "amusement park"? CEO: [under breath] Genius
@julie2288: 90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it.
@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond] Her: Isn't this romantic? Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah
@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.