At the beginning of a long plane ride, I like to ask my husband why he loves me. His frantic look for an escape hatch entertains me.
My ex sexually identifies with Ramen noodles, he’s done in 3 minutes
You Might Also Like
I used to think it would be cool to be able to read other people’s minds.
Then I joined Twitter and got over that real quick.
Daddy, where do bananas come from?
Well son, when a manana and a womanana really love each other…
Things Ted Cruz and I have in common:
1. Love butter
2. Shy eyes
3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual
4. Brown hair
I’m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
Cop: My informant told me where the killer is
Chief: Nice. Did he give you a name?
Cop: No chief *frowns* my parents did that
Me: Anyone else get the feeling their being watched?
Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.
>when you hit the end game in a JRPG but your party is underleveled
[1st ppl to go camping]
wife: what do u wanna do this week?
hubs: luxury cruise?
h: nice hotel?
h: pretend to be homeless