My mum has a PhD on Corona Virus from WhatsApp University
My father has many healthy goats. All this can be yours.
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“It’s not debauchery it’s Digiorno!”
Me drunk about to eat a frozen pizza
I keep checking my bank account like a hungry person checking an empty refrigerator. Neither one is going to magically be full.
JOB INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
MARTY MCFLY: I literally have no idea.
Guarantees in life
2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
Every day, I hope I don’t get bitten by a spider. I’m not afraid of spiders, I just don’t want the responsibility of being a superhero.
Y E S F R I E N D
Why are you laughing?
A J O K E
W H Y D I D T H E M A N D I E A L O N E
I don’t get it
Y O U W I L L
The new guy at work has been getting a lot of customer complaints lately.
Probably because I wear his name tag when he’s not there.
I’m running on two hours sleep. I can start a fight with air right now.
“I just love making people laugh” – me, explaining why I do sex