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@InkedUpKidder: My favorite Jobs:
@junejuly12: Americans who pronounce Z like Ted are given Canadian citizenship, free Timbits for life, and one pet baby moose.
@PhilJamesson: Me (holding two sticks of butter): now where did i put that stick of butter? hmm i guess i didn't get one out. hey kiddo could you grab a butter
My Son (also holding two sticks of butter): i just checked the fridge. we're all out
@DamonHunzeker: Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.
@SteveSuckington: [bleeding out]
ER Doctor: do you know your blood type?
ME: I've never really thought about it TBH. As long as it has a good personality
@samdunsiger: "Make it rain" is the only appropriate response when asked if you want parmesan cheese.