@wittwitbarista: My favorite machine at the gym is the water fountain.
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@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
@3sunzzz: I don't mean to brag, but I don't need to buy a new Tamagotchi. The one I got in 1997 is not only still alive, but it's healthier than I am.
@AimeeHelene1: Nothing makes me feel more "white collar" than when I'm nodding my head at someone pointing to a line graph that I know nothing about.
@GregDorris: I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend's dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look.