@BlackCatBettie: My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
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@anniemalistics: Husband: Why is there a Hot Pocket plugged into the charger? Me: [looking down at the phone I’m eating]
@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
@david8hughes: There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going.