@4SLars: My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.
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@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I’m always afraid the optometrist is actually showing me 2 identical lenses and then afterwards the whole office makes fun of me for thinking one was better or worse. THERAPIST: Yeah I don’t know what to do with that.
@AbbyHasIssues: Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world. Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me