When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
[my first day as an art teacher]
“before u start drawing let your eyes linger over the subject”
(it’s a dead bullfrog dressed as a cowboy)
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*tucks napkin into my shirt*
This meal could get messy.
Thankfully I haven’t had to go out and panic buy any food as I’ve been saving some plums in my icebox for this very occasion.
a car is a metal ravioli and you are the meat!
baby cows are called calves bc it’s half a cow. half cow. calf. no more questions
Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.
I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.
I just threw a snowball at a Smart car and its airbags deployed
If only I had the stomach of the person I am when I lie down.
presidents day is just a holiday created by “Big President” to get us to buy more presidents