The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan’s Valentine.
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Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Leading causes of cancer:
ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature
ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature
As a Canadian my first objective is to protect the poutine
Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.
Government Shutdown: Day Three
Jellystone Park still closed.
Still no pic-a-nic baskets.
Yogi stares at Boo-Boo…
Boo-Boo looks tasty.
“Here’s the problem… You’ve got a Pokémon up there”
– me, as a proctologist
“What are these markings on the map?”
“They’re hill areas”
“Yeah they’re very funny, but what do they mean?”
“My grammar is terrible,” I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.