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@DammitLarry1: My fitness instructer keeps asking if I squat.
No Gary..I rent. I'm not a hobo.
@joeyhuggles: I take all of my relationship advice from Animal Planet.
@FunnyTunes: I firmly believe in homeopathy because they cure everything with alcohol.
@TheDailySchmuck: *makes third wish*
Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women.
[Transformed into really nice handbag]
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner.
Me: Not in your briefcase?
W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE.
M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda
@AbbieEvansXO: THERAPIST: tell me about your childhood
THE PREDATOR FROM ALIEN VS PREDATOR: well, when I was a child predator...
THERAPIST: ok, first let’s talk about phrasing