@TheGirlPie: My former lover describes his beloved: "She's amazing in a hundred different ways." My guy describes me: "Chatty."
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@Pro_Jones_: Boss: I've been told one of you is just a robot car in disguise *everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*
@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.
@ch000ch: if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer
@Mostly_Cheese: I got locked out of my house after having dinner at an Italian restaurant. I had gnocchi.