A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension.
The fact that I’m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant
my friend, ted: i hear you’re pretty competitive
me: yeah i guess so
my enemy, ted: want to play a game
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Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*
please tell me that when we defeat ISIS they will have to become WASWAS
[ First Date ]
Her: So you’re a MMA fighter?
* flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom’s *
Me: Yea, I’m still training
Me: I need a word for food between courses at a meal
Me: not now Margaret, I’m trying to think
If you need me, I’ll be at the park eating bread in front of the ducks
Me: waiter, do you have frog legs?
Waiter: of course monsieur
Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer
Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield.
So you’re into the “bad boy” type? The kind who has a dark side, a tough childhood, breaks the law, everyone knows his name but dare not speak it, could use a nose job and a manicure?
Yeah, that’s Voldemort. You’re into Voldemort.