My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.
You Might Also Like
ANT: hey did you find any food to bring back to the queen?
SUPER FAT ANT: the who?
She’s a cosmetologist, bro. Astronaut stuff.
Well, Norah on FB has decided to continue her thankfulness through December and I have decided to key her car after dinner
Don’t be silly of course I know how to make French toast. *cracks egg into toaster*
Me: For Christmas I want a girlfriend/boyfriend Santa: Let’s be realistic lol
Me: *Posing nude for the first time*
Photographer: Absolutely stunning, but inappropriate for your drivers license tbh
I’m into the “girl next door” type. Until the restraining order takes effect and I have to move.
Then I’m into the “cute, angry girl that’s always 50ft away from me” type.
Parenting is easy, until those kids wake up.