@TravLeBlanc

My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.

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@GABBYdaAngSaya

Satan: And this is the TV room.
Me: This isn’t so bad. *turns on TV*
*only thing showing is golf*

@skittle624

My husband asked me to do something creative in the bedroom, so I positioned my three dogs in the shape of a heart and went to sleep.

@Bandersnaaatch

Until my sneezes have time to figure out their beliefs, please stop blessing them.

@mommy_cusses

*Husband using Ouija board after I’ve died*
Please answer me
*arrow moves*
“It’s on the top shelf. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Use your eyes!”

@mejustbeth

Someone talked me into trying an egg nog flavored candy cane.

Don’t let this happen to you!

@ericsshadow

“GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE”

KID: *goes kicking and screaming*

TEEN: You can’t do this, I have plans tonight

ADULT: Thank you so much

@Metalligretch

Yelling “wooooo” when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.

@Pundamentalism

Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.