ME: *puts on sunglasses*
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: *slaps them off my face* glasses made of the sun would instantaneously melt your head
My friend’s getting rich by selling photos of koi in clothes. He says it’s as easy as shooting fish in apparel.
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if the sun is such a cool and great star then why do all the other stars leave when it shows up
I’m glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don’t know what I’d do with all this work.
Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
we went from February 1 to February 18 in 3days
“You should only have to tell them once”
– People with no children
Made my day..
I have this digital scale in my bathroom. Everyday the first thing I do is weigh myself and it shows 68 Kgs. However, if I weigh myself after I wear my specs i see 88 kgs.. hence the specs weigh 20 kgs
You’re trying to get me drunk aren’t you?
Me to myself
Who decided that a clown popping suddenly out of a metal box would be a good toy for young children?
If you see your ex, wrap your hands behind your neck and pretend you’re making out with someone. That’ll show him you’re still crazy AF.