My biggest fear is laughing at a joke I didn’t understand and someone asks me to explain it to them.
My friend’s toddler babbled “don’t forget to subscribe” as he was put to bed. Kid watches so much YouTube he thought it means “goodbye”
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Hospice was my favorite spice girl,
into all kinds of freaky things and took good care of my grandma
I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats.
* pew pew *
I sat on the toilet approximately 4 degrees off centre, so obviously I’m rattled.
you know when you’re rocking the no makeup look and you assume you’re lookin all beachy natural n cute but then u look in the mirror and u look like a victorian child sick with influenza who won’t make it through the winter
My son asked for help with his math homework as we pulled into the school parking lot.
Then I laughed & laughed & told him to get out.
Me: What was that?
Parenting is easier than it looks.
Me: I have a memory like an elephant.
Him: Elephants get drunk all the time and forget everything too?
My favorite kind of math is adding insult to injury.