6 year old wouldn’t drink out of my cup because she doesn’t want my “DNA”. Should I tell her?
My front facing camera:
Me: I disagree.
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Me: What’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I’ll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Me: There you go. So what’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
You don’t need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough.
i saved me some plums
the very next day
you ate them anyway
to save me from tears
i’ll eat all my plums for dinner
i just watched a girl in class look confused during the lecture then literally open up her laptop and change her major
Reporter: are you nervous about the fight?
Me nervously: no
Reporter: he said he’s going to ‘rip your heart out’
Me crying: but I need it
Just made eye contact with my hot neighbor through the window
Wish I didn’t have 6 marshmallows in my mouth.
My preferred mode of travel is sock sliding.
I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.
Buddha: all life is suffering
Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes