GARDEN STORE MANAGER:
why did you just give that customer a high five
ME: he bought some dirt
GARDEN STORE MANAGER: um ok
ME: and I told him congrats on soiling himself
My front facing camera:
Me: I disagree.
You Might Also Like
Man: I was always afraid of dying alone, so…thanks for being with me
Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!
Me:*carefully puts on my helmet and adds a bell and basket to my bike*
Spin Class Instructor: no
My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?
Encourage your children to be unfriendly so you can keep your weekends free of other kids’ parties.
Him: Shake whatcha mama gave ya.
Me: *picks up crock pot
Her: Ask me anything..
Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos?
Her: Are you seri..
Me: *flips table*
A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn’t know by now where babies come from it’s not my place to tell her
Me: An emotionally fulfilling job that also pays enough to live on
Genie: Listen buddy I’m not god
Me: I’ll have a scotch on the rocks with a twist
Bartender slides drink
“Your dad’s alive. He’s hiding in Cuba”
M: Did NOT see that coming