@Rainbowbunee

My gf & I are toying w/the idea of changing both of our last names rather than hyphenate
Easier & we can have fun with it
Mrs Velociraptor.

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@TheAdly

– Are you sure?

-defenet… difini… difine… YES IM SURE!

@dumbbeezie

I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you

@ThugRaccoons

Salesman: This model corners really well

Car: *backs me into an alley and takes my lunch money*

@GensPlace

Online dating has its good points. You can choose your own name, lie through your teeth and you can’t smell their breath.

@carlyken

Okay kids don’t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger’s houses except on the day we worship the devil.

@divergentmama

Why do I always find it necessary to announce “crap, I have the hiccups” like no one can hear the ridiculous noise my body is making?

@ojedge

We DID NOT walk 500 mile.
And we WOULD NOT walk 500 more.

~ The Disclaimers.

@Parkerlawyer

Today was amazing. I actually had meaningful conversations with my teenagers. We discussed world events, we made eye contact, we truly communicated. I felt so blessed. Like a really good parent.

Then I heard one of them ask, “Is Instagram back up yet?”

@basit_saeed

When people fall with their iPhone 6 in pocket and hear a crack sound:
“Please let it be my leg, Lord.”