I’ve never actually finished the song “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake because I’m afraid I’ll be naked by the end.
[my gf on her death bed]
I don’t know, what do you want to eat?
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I’ve discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
“What’re you like in the bedroom?”
Trump: 🎶 Do you wanna build a snowman? 🎶
Elsa: Who will pay for this snowman?
Trump: 🎶 Ok byeee 🎶
As a kid I only had the box of 8, but now that I’m an adult I can afford to eat an entire 64-count box of crayons.
Vodka…deleting memories since…uhh…
Searching for your soulmate could take years. Making a slice of toast takes minutes.
friend: here he comes. dont set him off again.
JADEN SMITH: What If We Are the Hay, And The World Is Harvesting Us?
ME: There’s a dead fly in my soup
ME: There’s a dead fly in a tiny burning longboat in my soup
ME: A cricket bard sings his spirit into the next world
ME: My compliments to the chef
Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it’s soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat