@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
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@stephenjmolloy: Date: Do you want to go upstairs? Me: Sure. Date: Do you have any protection? Me: Who's up there?
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just saw a homeless man smoking a cigarette & it made me really sad... I wish I could afford cigarettes.
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@Cheeseboy22: Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.