You know who else doesn’t leave another man’s girlfriend alone?
My GF’s anti aging cream went bad.
HOW DOES ANTI AGING CREAM HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?!
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Mom watching Parasite: Turn it up, I can’t hear what they’re saying
Brother: They’re speaking Korean!
doctor: congrats on the baby! What are you going to name him
Newt Gingrich’s mom: newt gingrich
Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call
Mum, that’s not a picture of Jesus
[noticing that the girl i’m talking to at the bar is wearing a ring] I see you’ve won a super bowl
yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time
Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you
Irish I was a lil bit smaller. Irish I was a leprechaun baller. Irish I had a shamrock & a hat, & endless gold coins in a big black cauldron