Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@pplwtching

You know who else doesn’t leave another man’s girlfriend alone?

Mosquitos

@adamgreattweet

Mom watching Parasite: Turn it up, I can’t hear what they’re saying

Brother: They’re speaking Korean!

Mom: Shhh

@

a:1:{s:7:”retweet”;i:2;}

@reaghhan

doctor: congrats on the baby! What are you going to name him

Newt Gingrich’s mom: newt gingrich

@ieatanddrink

Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call

@LucybelleH

Mum, that’s not a picture of Jesus

@InternetHippo

[noticing that the girl i’m talking to at the bar is wearing a ring] I see you’ve won a super bowl

@hellolanemoore

yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time

@zzoker

Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you

@TheDairylandDon

Irish I was a lil bit smaller. Irish I was a leprechaun baller. Irish I had a shamrock & a hat, & endless gold coins in a big black cauldron