My rapper name would be “Iffy Scent”
My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.
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It’s amazing how many people can hit pine trees and drive with them still hanging on their car roofs. Like nothing happened.
I am not that kind of woman…I”m much worse.
If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.
Is this cat saying Meow or Mao? Cause I’m not keepin some commie cat
the good news is my custom facemask arrived, the bad news is that they printed my face 20% too large
I have the body of a 21 year old bodybuilder. Can I borrow a shovel?
What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don’t want to make something out of my life.
Me: I wanna chew the gum
Willy Wonka: No! You’ll turn into a blueberry
M: I’m doing it
All my friends look like a Victoria’s Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake