You Might Also Like


[Time of Creation]
God: And give thumbs to the humans that they may build many wondrous things.
Angel: Thumbs, Great idea boss

God: *Looks at Twitter
God: *Slaps forehead
God: Remind me, next time no thumbs.
Angel: k


[Commercial for babies]
*100 year old woman trying to feed a brick a bottle of milk*
“There’s got to be a better way”


Isn’t it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It’s like, do I want to tell people that there’s a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right?


“Where did that mole come from?” I worriedly ask right before a chocolate chip dislodges from my chest hair


“Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!” – The first horse ever ridden (probably)


Friends: Let’s roll a fatty
Me: I have a name guys and pls don’t


‘You’re beautiful and I love you,” I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied “I just want to be friends.”