@TrinaBadu

My goal was to have $10,000 saved by the end of 2018. Im already at $6.23

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@Kitten4Pway

Cop: What’s your name ma’am?

Me: Freeda

Cop: Frieda what?

Me: Gomaam

Cop: Freeda Gomaam?

Me: *drives off*

@fishbowel

Judge: did you go the wrong direction on the freeway

Me: what no

Judge: then who did

Me: bro literally everyone else

@rebrafsim

Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Her: sure
Me: well apparently not

@ladybroseph

*sits*
This is nice.
*stands*
This is also pretty cool.
*lays down*
Oh okay this is my favorite.

@Dawn_M_

Just once I’d like the guy hired to kill me to complete the job and not fall in love with me.

@TheCatWhisprer

My 4yo just came up to me and said “daddy, there are some things you don’t know” and then walked away. I don’t know if I should be offended or frightened.

@GlennyRodge

“My dog’s learning to speak a foreign language.”
“Español?”
“No, he’s a labrador.”

@Jenny4ashley

I haven’t been around a baby in so long I can’t even remember how to put their leash on.