I learned mathematical fractions from a drug dealer. He said if I don’t pay $4,000 in 7 days, I’ll lose 3 fingers.
My grandmother’s name is so Italian you need both hands to pronounce it.
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I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
Simba – “welcome to… The bone zone”
Nala – “the what?”
Simba – “elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard”
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.
when i hear fat people say that they’ve made mistakes, i always think to myself, “yeaa…at the grocery store.”
Fine, I’ll bite. What’s stability?
I hear you knocking at my door. You thinking I’m going to answer it is your second mistake.
*sees guy on a WANTED poster*
Must be nice
I’m not intimidated by a pretty woman.
I’m intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
My password is Superman Hulk Thor Goku, that’s the strongest password I can think of.