@Jerrypleasure: my grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say "at this age i can't handle the responsibility of being a spiderman"
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@abhorrent_wife: There's a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle.
@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
@sixfootcandy: I'm having lunch with my mom today. I can't wait to hear how tired and unmarried I look.