@charliedelta7
@Brampersandon_
[texting gf]
February 13th
“I think we should spend some time apart”February 15th
“Ok that was enough time”
You Might Also Like
@Brampersandon_
@chrisanna4real
All women really want is to be treated like you treat your iPhone.
@PerryFellow
“funeral” and “badminton” should just swap their first 3 letters
@brodyfontane
I’m pretty confident I can perform this Appendectomy on myself.
Thanks YouTube
@CrockettForReal
me: [absolutely shredding] I told you I played a little guitar
him: that’s a mandolin
@WheelTod
At a concert if the band asks “How’s everyone feeling tonight” I’m like maybe we shouldn’t have built our country on an Indian burial ground
@SadMeterologist
Police: How did they break in?
Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside.
Police: They found it?
Me: They threw it through the window.
@Bob_Heller
As I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I pooped my pants a little bit. Not gonna lie.
@KeetPotato
barber 1: ugh this guy again, youre doing him this time
[20mins later]
barber 2: you coulda told me he turns around to answer every question
@bwebster76
Saw a bumper sticker today that said Choose Life. I can think of 10 other cereals I’d choose first.