My husband and I are fighting. There’s about a 50 50 chance he knows.

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When I take pictures of cheese I yell “SAY HUMANS!” and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry.


Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I’m suffering from their laziness


Told my wife “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” and now she’s not mad, she’s furious.


Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school.


There is no such thing as a “silly goose.” Any goose displaying anything but pure malice is trying to lull you into a false sense of security.


when we are all singing quarantine songs with our neighbors in 6 weeks or so, please remember good karaoke etiquette. No songs over 3.5 minutes, fully commit and don’t do the “haha I’m so bad” thing, and please avoid “total eclipse of the heart”


Any dance can be a no pants dance. In fact, might be a fun way to bring back the Macarena