@3sunzzz: My husband and I are looking for someone to play the harmonica while we have sex, no weirdos please.
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@BuckyIsotope: ME: who's a good boy *kissy noises* DOG: I just murdered the cat ME: you are, yes you are *rubs dog's head* DOG: you're next buddy
@Big_Cat74: “Hey man, do you know how long that’s been sitting out?” - People who clearly don’t understand my commitment to eating
@Owl_Meat: [presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11