
If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I’ll show you dumb.
4pm
Me: How was school today?
Kid: …6pm
Me: Do anything fun today?
Kid: …Bedtime
Me: Goodnight!
Kid: Guess what happened at school?
Her: You’ll miss me when I’m gone!
Me: Bet
me: do you know what sarcasm is?
daughter: no I do not, please enlighten me, father
me: ok, well it mea-*squints eyes* wait a minute…
The best and most reliable advice I can offer is add bacon.
I’ve read this at least 5 times and still don’t have a clue what’s going on 😂😭😭
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Then: I love to hear the sound of your voice
Now: ASK ME ONE MORE TIME IF I TURNED OFF THE GRILL I SWEAR TO GOD
Do people who take performance enhancing drugs know nothing of coffee?