@Divergentmama

My husband asked me if I thought deep down that all of this time together was bringing us closer as a family. And then we laughed and laughed.

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@Bandersnaaatch

Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.

@novicefather

3yo: make me oatmeal

me: *poof* you’re oatmeal

3yo:

me: *makes oatmeal

@DurtMcHurtt

[intensive care]

NURSE: I’ll never leave your side, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

ME [patient]: wow, I didn’t realize how intense the care was here.

@RandomAntics

Prisons and psych wards in movies always make it seem like an indignity, but I think it’d be nice to receive food through a slot in my door.

@ChicksRule

[bicycle race]

Me *way behind because I’m struggling to ride two unicycles at once* wait

@SortaBad

Sorry I can’t pay for a new car right now, I’m still paying off a Naked Juice I bought in 2014

@mom_tho

watching annie with the kids and now they want me to put them in an orphanage so a wealthy person can adopt them

@briangaar

If a restaurant can afford to advertise on national television, you should never eat there