people only watched my two hour youtube video dissertation on false advertising centered in the landscape of 21st century social media through to the end because I told them to ‘wait for it’ in the description
My husband asks too many questions. “Who is Steve?” “Why does he call all the time?” “What’s this bill for a hotel room?”
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3 reasons why you need to accept we men are mature.
No 1. We know what upsets you.
Hahahahahaha… I said “number 2”
I, for one, pronounce eau de toilette like ewww the toilet
Apparently saying “If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby” is not a good way to congratulate someone.
Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership?
Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn’t agree with
Therapist: And what do we do when we’re feeling angry?
Me: *revving chainsaw*
Pro tip: If you ever lose your wedding ring, just run the vacuum cleaner. You’ll find it.
dating me is like dating a golden retriever cuz u will be picking blonde hair off u all day and i get way too excited about everything
What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren’t those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?
“Hey Google, set an alarm for 5 AM”
Google: “No. That’s stupid.”