@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.
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@KMoFlo_official: I think I accidentally became a nun: ✅ not banging ✅ may have inadvertently taken a vow of poverty ✅ loves long dresses ✅ has a lot of habits
@daddydoubts: The year is 2073. My wife and I rest in side by side burial plots. Waking up in the middle of the night our 57yo son, for reasons beyond his understanding, digs a horizontal hole between us and gets in. His head near his mother and his feet kicking my corpse, he sleeps.
@BuckyIsotope: UBER DRIVER: Where to ME: One sec. Siri, where the best place to dispose of an uber driver’s body SIRI: The bog ME: nearest bog please