@shita3yosays: My husband has a sore throat...send an ambulance
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@ohpegah: [playing with a Ouija board with my dog] Board: B A L L Me: I know that's you moving it! Stop! Board: T R E A T S
@BeckFlatley: I heard if you click that little follow button, Twitter releases one of the captive birds it uses for its logo. Do the right thing.
@bobvulfov: demon: ur punishment in hell has been tailored just for u me: ok demon: u have to enter a long wifi password for eternity & it'll never work