@sixfootcandy

My husband has forbidden me to go to Costco when I’m hungry. I don’t understand. How hard is it to eat 47 rotisserie chickens?

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@clichedout

A 23-yr-old woman in India fought off an adult tiger with a stick

My cat just stole my tuna sandwich right out of my hand

@northcoastkevin

If you wear your jeans 5 days in a row, they become all baggy and it looks like you’re losing weight.

Follow me for more life pro tips.

@SentenceReduced

I saw a crying baby and gave it my phone bill cuz why should we both be upset?

@spies_please

We must preserve our bookstores. There are so few places you can go to slide sideways on a ladder

@Thing_Finder

TRUE STORY: My wife and I cleaned the house last weekend and found that we both have children from previous marriages.

@GingerGander

There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win.

@Kalarlis

hello and welcome to Fantasy Football *Dumbledore passes ball to Frodo* *Gandalf intercepts football and eats it*

@dorsalstream

It may just be the parasite talking, but I’m going to climb that super tall building over there and release all my spores.