Whew! I almost hit a deer today.
But I managed to calm down and got back in the car before things escalated.
My husband has Tourette’s Syndrome—
every time he drives.
You Might Also Like
Me: when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut
Dad: to find all the undiscovered wonders of the universe?
Me (thinking about the many breeds of space dog I haven’t pet): yes, exactly
I love showering with my husband. There’s nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.
Her: My name is Katherine but you can call me Bunnie!
Me: No, Katherine. I don’t believe I can.
3:DADDY COME INTO MY ROOM!
Me: go to sleep.
3:YOU HAVE TO COME IN BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR YOU
M: yes you can
3:NO I CAN’T
5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl’s.
6: What are you making? It smells terrible!
Me: *literally just boiling water*
A guy just made fun of me for buying wine coolers at the store. I’m wearing crocs with socks and that’s what you’re going to make fun of?
Dog: (confused dog look)
Dog: (continues packing suitcase)
brain: let’s talk shall we
brain: are we being chased
brain: are we chasing something
brain: so wtf are we doing then
heart & lungs: we also have questions