Out of all the places I could choose, a music festival would have to be my favourite place to perspire with 10,000 strangers.
My husband just announced he cleaned the bathroom.
In related news, my husband doesn’t know the definition of either “clean” or “bathroom.”
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Ghost: they can’t kill us
Wife: that’s what u said last time
McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window.
Someone at work sent an email that said “happy Monday” so I’m going to HR.
Top 3 ways to kill Werewolves:
3. Kill them in human form
2. Shoot them with a silver bullet
1. Feed them chocolate
Thank god madagascar 3 is coming out. Just didnt get the closure i needed with the first 2
M: It’s a boat!
Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats
HR: “You’ve put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact.”
Me: “Yeah, I’d like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend.”
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
Me: I don’t even think about work at work.