Just looked in my 8 yr old son’s bedroom and I’m pretty sure it can’t be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere.
My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.
You Might Also Like
“Don’t come in here there’s glass,” I say, but it’s too late. They all know the sound of secret peanut M&Ms skittering across the kitchen floor.
This is embarrassing.
I tunneled through my wall to escape work and ended up in my boss’s office.
He’s watching me tweet this.
My mom regularly mentions that I was a large baby
I turn 25 in two weeks
4-year-old: what do you want ?
4: we don’t have pizza
me: what do you have?
me: I’ll have nothing
4: we don’t have that
me: *throws table* this is bullshit!
“I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.
Nothing says ‘I dont take you seriously’ like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I think it’s obvious that Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.
Parents w/ 1st kid: *Peels grape & slices it into 84 tiny pieces.
Parents w/ 4th kid: *Gives kid knife & fork to cut their own steak.
Toddler: *5 minutes of incoherent babbling*
Me: Oh yeah?