@Divergentmama

My husband leaves town for a week: see ya!

I leave town for a week: here’s the kids pickup and dropoff times at school, all 3 practice schedules, doctors and dentist appointments, shopping list, dinner menu and PLEASE DONT FORGET TO FEED THE KIDS.

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@amazymay72x

Me: Will you-
Hubs: No
Me: Can you-
Hubs: Nope
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Sex?
Hubs: Yes
Me: Oh hell no…..

Communication is important.

@dulcetry

I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption “it’s cold” could you tell me more about that

@2tickytacky

I remember when “Something’s eating up data.” meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.

@robfee

The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he’s famous, then they’ll be his friend.

@Mommin_it_up

Me: What kind of eggs do you want for breakfast? Scrambled? Fried?

4 Year Old: Chocolate

Me: You really are my child.

@samfromks

White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.

@MustardSally1

Saw a pregnant woman smoking today.
You can guess what I yelled at her.
Apparently she wasn’t pregnant after all.
You can guess what she yelled at me.

@Sean_Burgundy_

I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don’t give someone a reason to talk to me