@amazymay72x
Me: Will you-
Hubs: No
Me: Can you-
Hubs: Nope
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Sex?
Hubs: Yes
Me: Oh hell no…..Communication is important.
@Divergentmama
My husband leaves town for a week: see ya!
I leave town for a week: here’s the kids pickup and dropoff times at school, all 3 practice schedules, doctors and dentist appointments, shopping list, dinner menu and PLEASE DONT FORGET TO FEED THE KIDS.
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@amazymay72x
@dulcetry
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption “it’s cold” could you tell me more about that
@2tickytacky
I remember when “Something’s eating up data.” meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.
@robfee
The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he’s famous, then they’ll be his friend.
@gasstationgurl
[getting murdered]
Hang on, let me clear my browsing history
@Mommin_it_up
Me: What kind of eggs do you want for breakfast? Scrambled? Fried?
4 Year Old: Chocolate
Me: You really are my child.
@Metalligretch
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
@samfromks
White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.
@MustardSally1
Saw a pregnant woman smoking today.
You can guess what I yelled at her.
Apparently she wasn’t pregnant after all.
You can guess what she yelled at me.
@Sean_Burgundy_
I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don’t give someone a reason to talk to me