@Darlainky

My husband messaged me upset that he couldn’t find his jacket. I can understand his confusion because I’d hung it on the coatrack.

You Might Also Like

@BGH70

The company hates when I helicopter into work.

It’s always, “zip up your pants and go see HR now!”

@BunAndLeggings

Me: *mopping floor* don’t slip
3yo: *walks by*
Me: *slips*
3yo: like that?
Me: just leave okay

@SbethCaplin

Remember when we used to say “Avoid it like the plague,” assuming people would actually avoid plagues?

@AaronFullerton

OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as “we,” then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as “we.”

@anxiet_tea

I’m gonna say Amazon 3 times and hope my scarf I haven’t ordered yet appears.

@dad_chips

God: *creates a cat* how’re you feline little guy?

Cat:

God:

Cat:

God: *creates dogs*

@Norsebysw

By their early thirties, the average person has unsubscribed from more email lists than they have days left to live.