Been getting better gas mileage since I decided to turn off my car when I’m crying alone in parking lots.
My Husband objected to a question I asked in court and we are on the same side if you wanted to know how fun it is to work with your spouse.
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Shouldn’t elevators have a different name for the trip back down?
Me: I’m hard at work
HR: this is why you’re fired
Can reach high things, feel like an Amazonian warrior.
“Wow, you’re tall!”
*repeat for infinity*
Set your phone alarm to a song you hate. You won’t hit snooze, because then you’d have to hear Nickelback again.
Hubby: “Why don’t you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?”
Wife: “I don’t want to bother you while you are at work.”
Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes.
I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.
As the fridge door was about to shut, I grabbed pizza & barely got my arm out before it closed.
*Legally changes name to Indiana Jones*