[my husband turning onto our street]

“know what I think?”

husband: you don’t have to say it everytime.

“we’ve been down this road before”

You Might Also Like


*walks into your house*
*sees doll collection*
*backs out slowly lest the dolls notice me and decide to attack*


Don’t panic. Keanu Reeves is going to put on a sick leather coat and save us all any minute now


Dr: So when did the stress eating begin?

Me: Probably 1983 or 1984.

Dr: …

Me: …

Dr: You were born in 1982.

Me: Maybe it Was 1982.


Shepherd’s wife: You always seem so happy dear.

Shepherd: I got ewe babe.


You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn’t used to be?


Guys can we please civil war somewhere with shade? It’s really hot and some people want to bring their dogs


I’m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.


I been working on my summer bod: it the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it.