[SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away]
[scientist decodes message in the signal]
My husband walked out the door, smiled & said, “Have a good day!” like he doesn’t even realize he’s leaving me home with his children.
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I love eating Swiss pancakes. They’re like regular pancakes but neutral, so I can eat as many as I want.
If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar
Everyone: My family isn’t racist.
Mark Zuckerburg: Oh ahahahahaha
son: “NO! Make me a sandwich like mommy makes it!”
I begin remaking the same sandwich, this time while drinking a bottle of wine and calling my sister-in-law to complain about my weight gain.
Mama said there’d be days like this, and also “knock you out” ??? I don’t know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.
Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
Wow…trying to wrap my mouth around this bratwurst reminds me of my first high school boyfriend.
He hated bratwurst.